Tough Cunt of the Month

Tough cunt of the month

When Reuben Ruiter crashed his bike into a parked car on the way to a tattoo appointment, he had no idea he would end the day as inaugural recipient of the Tattooed Heart Tough Cunt of the Month award. In his own words he tells Cassandra Scott about that fateful day.

‘I was riding my bike holding my girlfriends hand who was riding her bike, and she gave me a boost at the same time as a lady did a u-turn and cut me off, which sent me flying into the back of a parked car. My girlfriend argued with the lady; I don’t really know what happened. I was kind of dazed and very confused.

After I was hit, a truck pulled up with a hairy burly looking truck driver type person screaming at me. I thought he was abusing me, cos of you know, his hatred of bicycles. He was yelling at me. It took me a while to work out what he was saying but he was telling me to ‘smash the bitch, smash the bitch.’ Um…he was on my side. Unfortunately I didn’t get his name and number as a witness for the police.

I rode home and when I got home realised how painful it was, so put some ice on it – as you do when you get hurt. Then I looked at the time and realised that I was booked in to have my tattoo finished. Because I’m going overseas, I really wanted to get it finished before I go away. So instead of going to the doctors or to the emergency room, I went to Tattoo Magic for medical advice.

I was in a lot of pain but I thought that it would be ok and I would possibly have time to go to work after I got my tattoo finished. I just thought that I’d hurt my shoulder…it hurt a lot but I wasn’t expecting it to be as bad as it was.

So I had my tattoo finished, and you know it was kind of a distraction from my shoulder pain to be tattooed. It was only a couple of hours, probably an hour and a half, maybe two, with the whole process. And under advice I walked round the corner to St Vincent’s (hospital) and sat there for six hours waiting to be admitted as an inpatient. Finally I was x-rayed and diagnosed as having a fractured collarbone and prescribed some average painkillers to tide me over, which I’ve only just managed to kick the habit.

It’s been maybe three weeks and I have to go overseas in two to carry and lift stuff and it’s still a bit sore. After it healed my ribs were really sore and I think I may have cracked some ribs, possibly, I didn’t get them x-rayed. But I’m still wearing my sling – that’s just for sympathy.

I am honoured to be tough cunt of the week or year, maybe just toughest cunt ever. I’d be extremely happy to be honoured with such a prestigious accolade.’

And finally, a word from Tim Dywelska, Reuben’s tattooist:

‘I immediately recognised that Reuben was quite grey and pale looking and even quite incoherent - mentally, physically and emotionally. But I proceeded to accede to his request and I tattooed the shit out of him anyways so sucka lucka.’


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